上篇 总统比逗

1 Whose Shoes Do You Polish

As Lincoln was polishing his leather shoes, a diplomat came over to him.“Why, Mr. President, you actually polish your shoes？ ”

“Yes, ”Lincoln said,“well, whose shoes do you polish？ ”

你擦谁的鞋子

林肯正在擦鞋时，一个外交官走到他身边。“哎呀，总统先生，你竟然擦自己的鞋？”

“是的。”林肯说，“不然你一般都擦谁的鞋子？”

2 Cross River

Lincoln served as company commander during the war.

Once he led the whole company to chase the enemy. When crossing a small river, he did not know how to cross it. Then he had an idea and shouted,“All dismissed, and muster on the other side in five minutes. ”

渡河

林肯在战争期间担任过连长。

有一次，他带领全连追击敌人。要过一条小河时，他不知道该用什么方法渡河。于是，他就灵机一动，大声喊道：“全体解散，五分钟后在对岸集合。”

3 It’s Certainly All Right with Me

At the time of crisis during the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln was awakened late one night by an opportunist who reported that an office‐holder had just died.

“Mr. President, ”asked the man,“could I take his place？ ”

“Well, ”said Lincoln,“if the undertaker agrees. It’s certainly all right with me. ”

我没意见

美国内战危机时刻，一个投机分子深夜叫醒亚伯拉罕·林肯，向他报告一位官员刚刚去世的消息。

“总统先生，”那个人问道，“我能替代他吗？”

“噢，”林肯说，“如果殡仪员同意，我肯定没意见。”

4 I Am a Sacrifice to the Terrible Epidemic Now

Because of his slips of tongue, president Bush was derided as the“Mistaken President ”by the media. when he was attacked for his usual grammar and spelling errors, president Bush admitted that his mouth was the place where words die rather than to be raged and retorted. He explained,“You must know that Foot‐and‐mouth disease is spreading across the whole Europe. Unfortunately, I am a sacrifice to the terridle epidemic now.”

嘴巴染上了口蹄疫

由于口误，布什总统被媒体戏称为“口误总统”，当他被攻击说老是犯语法错误时，布什没有火冒三丈也没有反唇相讥，而是心甘情愿地承认了他的嘴巴就是“文字的死亡之地”。他说：“你们一定知道口蹄疫正席卷欧洲，很不幸，我也染上这种病了。”

5 Clone Another Cheney

One day, President Bush attended the anniversary dinner of the press in Washington. At the dinner. He amused the audience with his humor, which made people look at him with new eyes.

He dressed well and played jokes with the veteran journalists. He insisted that he was a smart man and said,“I have just finished the human genome map and my goal is to clone another Cheney so that I could do nothing anymore. ”

After saying this, he jerked his head to wards Cheney and said,“Mr. Cheney, what should I say next？”He convulsed the audience with his jokes.

克隆一个副总统

一天，布什总统参加了在华盛顿举行的新闻界的周年晚宴。在宴会上，他独特的幽默感语惊四座，令大家不禁都对他另眼相看。

他盛装出席，和那些老道的记者们开玩笑周旋。他一直认为自己是个聪明人，说：“我已经完成了基因图谱的绘制，现在我的目标是再克隆一个切尼，那样我就什么都不用做了。”

话音刚落，他立马转头对切尼说：“切尼先生，我接下来该说什么了呢？”听众们哄堂大笑。

6 Put Up with Her for Only 15 Minutes

After being First Lady, Lincoln’s wife, Mary Todd Lincoln’s temper was becoming more and more worse. Not only was she wasteful at will, but also exploited her power over others, she always blamed the tailor for charging too much, and always complaind that the goods in the butcher shop and grocery were too expensive.

One day, a merchant who have fed up with Mary found Lincoln and made complaints. Lincoln listened to the merchant with a bitter smile and said to him in a helpless way,“Sir, I have been tolerated for 15 years; can’t you put up with her for only 15 minutes？”

林肯总统的无奈

自从林肯的夫人——玛丽·托德·林肯当上了美国第一夫人，她的脾气就变得越来越差，不仅随心所欲，还时常大发淫威。她经常指责裁缝要价太高，抱怨肉贩和杂货店卖的东西太贵。

一天，一个商人实在是受不了了，找到林肯，抱怨了一番。林肯听完商人的诉说后，苦笑了一下，无奈地说：“先生，我已经忍受了十五年了，您难道就不能忍受她十五分钟吗？”

7 Clinton Proposed to Hillary

When Hillary was reading in the library of Law College of Yale University, she found a young man kept looking back at her. So she went straight to him and said,“If you still keep looking at me, I will gaze at you all the time. Why don’t we know each other？ By the way, I’m Hillary Rodham. ”There was no doubt that that young man was Clinton and he said he didn’t remember what his own name was at that moment.

Later, Clinton proposed to her over and over again, but she refused him several times. At last, Clinton said,“I won’t proposed to you, Hillary. If you have determined to marry me, please do let me know.”To his delight, she agreed.

克林顿向希拉里求婚

当希拉里在耶鲁大学法学院图书馆看书时，她发现一个年轻人总是盯着她看。因此她径直走向他说：“如果你再这样看着我，我也会一直盯着你看。与其这样，为什么不彼此认识下呢？你好，我是希拉里·罗德姆。”毫无疑问这个年轻人就是克林顿，他回忆说当时他连他自己的名字都记不起来了。

后来，克林顿一次次地向希拉里求婚，但她拒绝了多次。最后，克林顿说：“希拉里，我不会再向你求婚了，如果你哪一天决定嫁给我了，请务必告诉我一声。”让他高兴的是，希拉里最终同意了。

8 If You Graduate from Yale，You Become President

Bush was asked to deliver a speech on the graduation of Yale. He said to the parents,“I congratulate all the parents who are here. It’s a glorious day when your child graduates from a great day for you. It’s a great day for your wallet.”

And he encouraged the students,“Most important, congratulations to the class of 2001. To those of you who received honors awards, and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too, can be president of the United States. A Yale degree is worth a lot, as I often remind Dick Cheney who studied here, but left a little early. So now we know—if you graduate from Yale, you become President. If you drop out, you get to be Vice‐president. ”

耶鲁出总统

布什被邀请在耶鲁的毕业典礼上致辞，他对家长们说：“首先我要祝贺在场的父母们，这是个光荣的时刻，因为你们的孩子从耶鲁大学毕业了。今天对于你们来说是个好日子，对你们的钱包来说也是个好日子。”

他还鼓励同学们说：“当然，最应该祝贺的是我们2001级的毕业生。对于你们之中那些获得过荣誉奖章、成绩优异的人，我要说，你们做得好极了。但对于那些成绩得C的同学，我想说你们可能会当上美国总统。耶鲁的学位证很有价值，我也经常这样提醒切尼，他也在这里上过学，只不过离开得稍微早了点。所以，现在我们该明白了，如果你从耶鲁毕业了，你会成为总统，如果你中途退学，就只能当副总统。”

9 It Is a Shoe Size 10

George W. Bush, the outgoing president of the Unite States, paid a visit to Iraq on December 14th, 2008. There is no doubt that the result wouldn’t be good if he goes to Bagdad—He was attacked by a little accident.

When Bush was talking to the president of the Iraq on the stage, an journalist from Iraq suddenly threw his shoes at Bush. At that moment, Bush seemed to realize it and ducked and escaped from the first shoe. A challenge smile appeared on his face when he succeeded in escaping the first shoe. But the journalist was also very calm and threw the second shoes quickly, and president Bush succeeded once again.

After the security men go control of the situation, President Bush said humorously,“I am sure that it is a shoe size 10.”

小布什遭鞋袭

即将离任的乔治·布什总统在2008年的12月14日号出访伊拉克，毫无疑问，如果他去巴格达，肯定没有好下场——果不其然，他遭遇了一场小袭击。

当布什正在台上和伊拉克总统讲话，一个伊拉克记者突然将鞋朝布什扔去，就在那一刻，布什好像觉察到了什么，猛一俯身，躲了过去。就在他成功躲过第一只鞋子的袭击的时候，他脸上浮出了挑战的微笑。但是那个记者同样也非常冷静，马上扔过去第二只鞋子，布什总统又一次成功地躲了过去。

安保人员把局面控制住之后，布什幽默地说：“现在我很确定的是，那是只十号的鞋子。”

10 Bush’s slip of the tongue

Elizabeth II, the Queen of England paid a visit to America with Prince Philip and attended the welcome ceremony held by President Bush. And about 7000 people including US Congressmen, senior executives and British diplomats, appeared at the welcome ceremony. In the speech of welcome, President Bush made a same mistake,“The American people were so proud to welcome Her Majesty here, a nation that you are quite familiar with,”President Bush said,“You have had dinners with 10 American Presidents. And with your help, our nation celebrated the 200th National Day in 17...in 1976. ”

All the audience laughed after hearing this slip of the tongue. Bush stopped and looked at the Queen. A moment later, he said,“She gave me a glance that only a mother gives her child who made mistakes. ”The laughter swelled more strongly.

小布什总统的口误

英国女王伊丽莎白二世和菲利普王子造访美国，并参加由布什总统举行的欢迎仪式。大约七千多人参加了这个欢迎仪式，其中包括美国国会议员、高级行政官以及英国外交官。在致欢迎辞时，布什又犯了口误的毛病：“美国人民为女王陛下的莅临感到无比荣幸，相信女王陛下对美国也十分了解了。”布什说：“您已经和十位美国总统共进过晚餐，在您的帮助下，我们国家庆祝了两百周年的国庆，在17世纪……在1976年。”

听到这种口误，在场的所有人都笑了。布什停了停，看了看女王，过一会儿，他说：“女王陛下看了我一眼，是那种只有母亲在孩子犯错时才会露出的神情。”听完这些话，台下爆发出了更加热烈和响亮的笑声。

11 Neither Am I the Vice President

Being caught in the protracted war for Democratic candidate for presidant, Hillary team had shown that they were willing to accept Obama to be her deputy for the president. As to Hillary’s kindness, Obama refused again on March 10.

During the presidential campaign , Hillary blamed Obama for his being inexperienced and he was not fit to be the president of the United States. To his surprise, Hillary invited him to be her deputy and he found opportunitg to take revenge on her, he said,“Now that you have said that I am not fit to be President, how do you know I am fit to be the Vice President now？”What he said caused a roar of laughter in the audience.“I really can’t understand that. ”He added,“As you know, her husband Bill Clinton once said that it was very important for the Vice President to well prepare to be the commander in chief. ”

奥巴马不适合做副总统

主党总统候选人之争已经陷入持久战之时，希拉里阵营已经明确表示想接受奥巴马做她的竞选副手。但是在3月10日，奥巴马再次拒绝了希拉里的美意。

在竞选总统的选战中，希拉里曾指责奥巴马经验不足，认为他不适合做总统。而出乎他的意料，希拉里竟然邀请奥巴马做她的助手，他因此有了报复希拉里的机会。奥巴马说：“既然你曾经说过我不适合做总统，那你又为什么认为我现在适合做一个副总统呢？”他的话在民众中引起了一阵哄笑。“我是真的不明白，”他又说，“众所周知，你的丈夫克林顿曾经说过，对副总统而言，做好担任总司令的准备很重要。”

12 Have No More Room for a Vice President

Thomas Jefferson was the 3rd President of the United States. One day, he went to Baltimore by himself and wanted to book a room in a hotel. Because of Jefferson’s ordinary and dirty clothes, the manager wasn’t willing to receive him. So he made an excuse that there was no rooms available and Jefferson had to leave the hotel.

After he left the hotel, someone told the manager,“The man you just banished was Jefferson, the Vice President of the United States. ”

Under the state of some trepidation, the manager asked his servant to find Jefferson and told him that he could arrange no matter how many rooms he wanted. But Jefferson had booked a room in another hotel and he said to the servant,“Please tell your manager, I really appreciate his kindness. Now that he has no room for all ordinary people who wears work clothes, so he would have no more room for a vice president. ”

副总统没有客房住

托马斯·杰弗逊是美国的第三任总统。一天，他自己去巴尔的摩，想在旅馆定一个房间。但是由于杰弗逊穿得普普通通，而且衣服还有点儿脏乱，旅馆经理不愿让他住，就找了个借口说没有空房了，杰弗逊不得不离开旅馆。

杰弗逊走后，有人告诉那个经理：“你刚刚拒绝的那个人是美国的副总统杰弗逊。”

经理害怕极了，让他的仆人去找到杰弗逊并告诉杰弗逊无论他要多少房间经理都能安排。但是杰弗逊当时已经在另外一个旅馆订到了房间，他对来的仆人说：“请告诉你们的经理，我很感激他的好心。但既然对于一个身着工作服的普通人来说那里没有房间，那同样对一个副总统来说也应该没有房间。”

13 President Reagan and Republicans

President Reagan was shot by a young man while he was walking out of Hilton Hotel, in Washiegton Match on 30, 1981. Reagan, wounded in the breast, was sent to the nearest hospital as soon as possible. Before he was sent into the operation room by the doctors and nurses, he said, with a smile,“Please assure me that all of you are Republicans. ”“Mr. President, all of us are kind Republicans. ”

The next day after the operation. Reagan said with confidence, “I’m sure that I will recover soon.”And the nurse answered,“Yes, Mr. President. Just stick in, and you will get well soon. ”Reagan pretended to be frightened and asked,“You mean that this will happen again and again？ ”

One day, he saw that a crowd including doctors and nurses surrounding him, he said,“I won’t withdraw from the film industry if I was conspicuous in Hollywood as now.”and all the doctors and nurses were amused by what he said.

里根总统与共和党人

1981年3月30日，里根总统在走出华盛顿的希尔顿饭店时，被一个年轻人用手枪击中。他的胸口受伤了，立即被送到了附近的医院。在他被医生、护士推进手术室之前，他笑着说道：“请向我保证你们都是共和党人。”“总统先生，我们都是友好的共和党人。”

手术后的第二天，里根总统自信地说：“我确定我不久就会康复。”护士回答：“是的，总统先生，请坚持住，您马上就会痊愈了。”里根马上假装害怕的说道：“你的意思是说这种情况还会一而再再而三地发生吗？”

一天，里根看到包括医生和护士在内的一大群人都围着他，他说：“如果当初在好莱坞也有这么多人关注我的话，我就不会退出电影界了。”在场所有的医生和护士都被总统的幽默给逗笑了。

14 Questions or George Bush

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk the war. After his talk offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George Bush asks him what his name is.

“And what is your question, Billy？ ”

“I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of UN？ Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes？ And third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden？”

Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says,“OK, where we？ Oh, that’s right question time. Who has a question？”

Another little boy puts up his hand, George points him out and asks him what his name is.

“Steve.”

“And what is your question, Steve？ ”

“I have 5 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of UN？ Second, why are you president when Al Gore got more votes？ And third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden？ Fourth, why did the recess bell off 20 minutes early？ And fifth, what happened to Billy？”

向布什总统提问题

乔治·布什到一所小学谈论战争问题。谈话结束后，他为孩子们留出了提问时间。一个小男孩举起了手，然后布什问他叫什么名字。

“比利。”

“那你想问些什么呢，比利？”

“我有三个问题。第一，为什么没有得到联合国的支持，美国依然进攻伊拉克？第二，为什么阿尔·戈尔的票数更多而你却当选为总统？第三，本·拉登怎么了？”

就在这时，下课铃声响了。布什告诉孩子们休息完后再继续。重新开始时，布什说：“好的，我们刚才说到哪了？哦，到提问时间了，谁有问题？”

另外一个小男孩举起了手，布什点到他并问他叫什么名字。

“史蒂夫。”

“史蒂夫，你想问些什么呢？”

“我有五个问题。首先，为什么没有得到联合国的支持美国就进军伊拉克了？第二，为什么阿尔·戈尔的票数更多而你却当选为总统？第三，本·拉登怎么了？第四，为什么休息铃声提前二十分钟就响了？第五，比利出什么事了？”

15 Clinton’s Tragedy

One day, Bill Clinton paid a visit to an school. He asked the students whether someone could give him an example of tragedy. Then a little boy volunteered，“For example, if a friend of mine is playing in the street, just then a car comes along and he is killed in the collision. That is a tragedy.”“No,”Clinton said,“this is only a traffic accident.”A moment later, a girl put up her hand up and said,“If a bus with 50 students in run off a cliff and no one survives, I think this is a tragedy.”Clinton explained,“I am sorry, it should be regarded as a great loss.”

There was a moment of dead silence. Clinton broke the silence and asked,“What？ Still no one could give me an example of tragedy？”At this moment, a little boy in the back row put his hand up and said in a timorous tone,“If a plane carrying Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton blows up by time bomb, this is a tragedy.”

“Bravo!”Clinton face broke out into a smile,“Brilliant! Could you please tell me why this is a tragedy？”“Because it is neither a traffic accident not a great loss.”the boy said.

克林顿的悲剧

一天，克林顿来到一所学校进行访问。他问谁能给他举一个悲剧的例子。这时一个小男孩举手：“比如说，我的一个朋友正在街上玩，突然过来一辆车把他撞死了，这是个悲剧。”“不，”克林顿说，“这只是个交通事故。”一会儿，一个小姑娘举手说：“一辆载有五十个学生的公共汽车摔下了悬崖，无人生还，我觉得这是一个悲剧。”克林顿解释道：“很抱歉，这更应该算是一个巨大的损失。”

接下来是一阵死寂，克林顿打破了沉默，说：“怎么，还是没有人能给我举个悲剧的例子吗？”就在这时，一个坐在后排的小男孩举起了手，小心翼翼地说：“如果一架载着克林顿和希拉里的飞机被一颗定时炸弹炸了，这算是一个悲剧吧。”

“妙！”克林顿脸上露出了笑容，“好极了，你能说一下为什么这算是一个悲剧吗？”男孩说：“因为这既不是一场交通事故，也不算一个巨大的损失。”

16 Which Is More Powerful

In 1959, the then vice president Nixon was assigned to host a exposition in Soviet Union. Before his joureny to Soviet Union, the U.S. Congress just passed a resolution that criticized the Former Soviet union and some socialist countries in Eastern Europe. Khrushchev, the leader of the Former Soviet Union was quite unsatisfied with it and wanted to make some troubles.

Not surprisingly, Khrushchev led off for the opposition not long after the US‐Soviet meeting,“I don’t understand why the U.S. Congress passed the resolution before such an important state visit, which reminded me of all Russian proverb—Never eat in the washroom. ”

Then Khrushchev was exploded with,“The resolution stinks as horse dung! Nothing is more powerful than a horse dung powerful. ”

Such coarse language put Nixon in a predicament. But he was equal to the occasion and paid Khrushchev back,“I think you’ve made a mistake. There is something more powerful than horse dung, that is pig manure. ”

An awkward look appeared on Khrushchev’s face. Because he used to be a swineherd when he was young.

什么东西更臭

1959年，美国时任副总统尼克松安排去前苏联举办一个博览会。访问前夕，美国国会刚刚通过了一项决议，谴责了前苏联和一些东欧的社会主义国家，前苏联领导人赫鲁晓夫对此非常不满，想借机给美国制造点麻烦，让他们尝尝厉害。

毫不意外地，美苏会晤开始不久后，赫鲁晓夫就开始了诘问：“我不明白为什么美国国会在这么一次重要的访问之前通过了那样一项决议，这让我想起了一句俄国谚语——永远不要在洗手间吃东西。”

随即赫鲁晓夫彻底爆发说：“那项决议简直就是一坨马粪！没有比它更臭的了！”

赫鲁晓夫粗鲁的言语把尼克松置于一个尴尬的境地，但他不甘示弱，反唇相讥道：“我觉得你犯了一个错误，有比马粪更臭的东西，那就是猪粪。”

赫鲁晓夫脸上浮现出尴尬的表情，因为他小时候曾经当过猪倌。

17 President Anderson and the Devil

One day, while President Anderson was walking along the beach, he happened to find a bottle. Out of curiosity, he opened the bottle and a devil jumped out quickly. Anderson was quite surprised and asked,“Mr. Devil, I saved your life just now, so you can give me three chances to realize my dreams, right？”

The devil shook his head and said,“No, no. You know inflation makes everything more expensive than before. So there is only one chance for you to realize your dream. ”

Without any hesitation, Anderson drew a map from his bosom and pointed to the location of Middle East and said,“Look, this is Middle East. I hope that these countries could stop fighting and achieve peace.”

The devil looked at the map and exclaimed,“Hey, are you joking？ Can’t you see they have been fighting for several thousands years？ I am not mercy enough to do that. I can’t do that, you’d better consider something else.”

Anderson thought for a minute and said,“Well, you know no one likes my wife and my wife is stupid and ugly, I hope you can make her the most beautiful woman in the world so that everybody like her.”

“Well, let me look at your map again. ”The devil considered this proposal for long time and said hesitatingly.

安德森总统与魔鬼

一天，安德森总统正在沙滩上散步，捡到了一个瓶子。出于好奇，他打开了瓶子，一个魔鬼立刻冒了出来。

安德森非常吃惊地问道：“魔鬼先生，我刚刚救了你的命，因此你可以实现我三个愿望，是吗？”

魔鬼摇了摇头说：“哦，不。通货膨胀使得所有的东西都比原先贵了，因此我只能实现你一个愿望。”

安德森毫不犹豫地从胸口掏出一张地图，指着中东地区说：“看，这是中东，我希望这些国家能够停止战争，彼此和平共处。”魔鬼看了看地图，大叫道：“嘿，你在开玩笑吗？你难道不知道他们都打了上千年了吗？我可没那么好去做那种事。我做不了，你再想个其他的吧。”

安德森想了一会儿说：“好吧，你知道，我妻子又丑又蠢，我希望你能把她变成世界上最美丽的女人，让所有人都喜欢她。”

魔鬼思索了半天这个提议，然后犹豫地说：“嗯……再让我看看你那张地图吧。”

18 Off‐the‐cuff Remarks

One of the great wits of the century was Sir Winston Churchill；the late former prime minister of England. He was an author, an orator, as well as the best known statesman of our time. He could outwit anyone with his off‐the‐cuff remarks.

On one of his visits to America, he was the house guest of President Roosevelt. One morning, he was caught stark naked by the President. Immediately Mr. Roosevelt tried to withdraw so as not to embarrass his guest.

Churchill, as befitting his position, declared,“The Prime Minister of Great Britain has nothing to hide from the President of the United States. ”

On one muggy summer afternoon, during a lengthy debate in the House of Commons, Mr. Churchill apparently dozed off.

One of his colleagues whispered to his neighbor.“The man is really getting old. He can’t walk. He can’t talk. He can’t see. ”Without opening his eyes, Churchill interjected,“They also say he’s deaf too. ”

An irate woman member of the opposition party in Parliament said to Churchill,“If you were my husband, I would put poison in your tea. ”

“If you were my wife, I would gladly drink it. ”snapped back Churchill.

The best known statement made by Mr. Churchill was probably his pronouncement in praise of British fliers and their achievements in World War II,“Never in the field of human confict has so much been owed by so many to so few. ”

丘吉尔的即兴妙语

英国已故前首相温斯顿·丘吉尔是上个世纪智慧超群的大师之一。他不仅是最出名的政治家，还是作家和演讲家。他的即兴妙语更是无人能及。

一次，丘吉尔出访美国时被邀请到罗斯福总统家中做客。一天清晨，罗斯福总统无意间看到一丝不挂的丘吉尔。罗斯福总统马上想转身离开，不让丘吉尔感到尴尬；丘吉尔却以英国首相的身份郑重地说道：“英国首相在美国总统面前不会掩藏任何事情。”

一个闷热的夏日午后，英国下议院正在进行一场十分冗长的辩论，丘吉尔打起了瞌睡。

一位同僚发现了，小声对他的邻座说：“那家伙真是老了，他走不动了，口齿不清了，又老眼昏花……”

丘吉尔依然闭着眼睛，却突然插话说：“别人还说他耳聋呢！”

一次议院开会时，一位来自反对党的女议员怒气冲冲地对丘吉尔说：“如果你是我的丈夫，我一定会在你的茶里下毒。”

“如果你是我的太太，我一定会笑着喝下去的。”丘吉尔反讽道。

丘吉尔先生一生发表的最著名的演说大概是他在第二次世界大战期间为英国空军部队庆功时的精彩致辞：“在人类斗争的领域，从来没有取得过如此以少胜多的战绩！”

19 Franklin

Benjamin Franklin possessed many talents and wore many hats. He was an inventor, a statesman, one of the founding fathers of the United States of America, an eloquent speaker and an outstanding diplomat.

As the first America ambassador to France, he attended a diplomatic dinner hosted by the King of France. During the banquet, the Foreign Minister of France rose to propose a toast,“To His Majesty,Louis XVI, the King of France. Like a moon, he glows at night, expels darkness from the earth and spreads of benevolence on the human race. ”

The British ambassador also rose to propose a toast.“To George III, the king of England, ”he said proudly,“who like a noonday sun shines brightly in the middle of the sky illuminating the world.”

When the turn came for the American ambassador to propose a toast, the aging Franklin rose and all the diplomats wondered whether this old man from the New World known for his quick wit could top his colleagues.“I cannot give you the sun nor the moon, ”said Franklin,“But I give you George Wasllington, the general of America army, who like Joshua of old commanded the sun and the moon to stand still and both obeyed. ”

Thunderous applause broke out as Franklin sat down. Benjamin Franklin was, indeed, a first rate diplomat.

When Thomas Jefferson was sent to France to take Franklin’s post, the King of France asked him,“You are here to replace Mr. Franklin？ ”“No, ”snapped Jefferson,“I am here to succeed him. No one can replace him.”

富兰克林

本杰明·富兰克林是个才能出众的人，获得过许多桂冠。他是发明家、政治家，是美利坚合众国的元老之一，还是雄辩的演说家和杰出的外交家。

作为第一任美国驻法国大使，他出席了由法国国王举行的外交晚宴。席间，法国外交部长起身祝酒：“皇帝陛下，法国的国王路易十六，他就像夜空中的月亮，熠熠生辉，为地球驱走黑暗，给人类带来仁慈。”

英国大使也起身举杯敬酒。“敬英格兰的君主乔治三世，”大使骄傲地说，“他就像正午的太阳，在天空光芒万丈，照亮了全世界。”

到美国大使举杯敬酒时，上了年纪的富兰克林站了起来，在场的外交官都怀疑这位来自新世界、以机敏著称的老人，能否比他的对手们胜出一筹。“我不能献给你太阳，也不能献给你月亮，”富兰克林说道，“但是我能献给你美国将军乔治·华盛顿，他就像古代的约书亚（摩西的继承人），指挥太阳与月亮屹立不动，二者都会乖乖臣服。”

当富兰克林落座时，人群爆发出如雷般的掌声，富兰克林的确是位一流的外交家。

托马斯·杰弗逊被派到法国接替富兰克林的职位时，法国国王问他：“你是来这儿取代富兰克林的吗？”

“不是，”杰弗逊毅然说，“我到这儿来是继承他的，没人能取代他。”